Love You Can’t Say

“I’ll tell him.”

He was silent for a moment, nodded, and signed.

“What are your plans for the future?” he said, with some desolation on his face.

“Don’t know yet!” Even if I stayed at the hotel, Leo and Dennis’s showing up would make it impossible for me to escape the gossip.

He nodded. “Keep in touch.”

I smiled, “The vegetation in the yard still needs your attention.” I had no intention of selling the house in HL Area. After Clariana went to college and had her own life, I might still want to come back to HL Area. This was where I grew up, and this was where I ended up.

He nodded and smiled. “Let’s have dinner sometime. Joey doesn’t know you’re leaving yet. The kids are on good terms. At least let them say goodbye.”

After answering, I went straight back to the yard. It was late August, and the fruits and vegetables in the backyard were ripe. By this time, more seeds should have been sown.

But we were leaving now, so naturally we couldn’t plant any more.

I didn’t pack much of Clariana’s clothes or luggage, and I didn’t pack much of mine, just a few changes.

Dinner with Nathan and Joey was on weekends. I told Clariana we were leaving ahead of time, so she was prepared, but she still felt bad.

She, who had always been noisy, suddenly became sensible. She handed Joey her Lucky money and her favorite things, saying softly, “Mom said it’s not convenient for us to bring these things. Please keep them for me, and I’ll come back to you later.”

Joey, always silent, was even more silent. He looked up at me and said, “Clara, when are you and Clariana coming back?”

I couldn’t answer the question for a while, so I said after thinking for a while, “We’ll come back sometime for holidays.”Upstodatee from Novel(D)ra/m/a.O(r)g

He heard we’d be back, and his rare smile came to him, “Dad and I will wait for you in HL Area for Christmas.”

I almost forgot it would soon be Christmas day. “Okay, Clariana and I will be back for Christmas.”

Hearing this answer, both children felt better.

Nathan didn’t say much. After a long silence, he looked at me and said, “Are you going to City P?”

I shook my head. “Probably not for a while.”

Clariana was young, and I never took her back to Newton Town. Now that she was older, I wanted to take her to See Diana in Newton Town. I hadn’t talked to her in all these years. I didn’t know how.

After saying goodbye and returning from dinner, Clariana held me wistfully. I knew she couldn’t bear to leave.

After I put her to bed, I called Dennis.

When the phone was answered, he said in a charming voice, “I just took out my cell phone and wanted to call you, and you called. Are we on the same page?”

I smiled, looked out the window at the moon, and said, “I quit my job at the hotel.”

He seemed unsurprised. “Well,” he said dryly, “with your knowledge and vision, staying in a hotel is not enough for you.”

I smiled. Was that a compliment?

“Where are you going?” He spoke softly.

“I haven’t decided yet!” What I was thinking about now was Clariana’s future. HL Area was great, but it didn’t seem so ideal for Clariana’s future. She could have a better future, and I had to think of everything for her.

“I’ll support you wherever you go, and remember, Clariana’s my daughter, too.” He spoke in a light, warm voice, with a certain calmness.

I lost my focus for a few seconds and nodded, “Ok!”

It was the best way to get along than it used to be. He didn’t force me to go there and stay there, but patiently gave me advice and guided me. To be honest, I really liked it.

After hanging up, I booked a flight to Newton Town. There was no airport in HL Area, so we had to take an hour and a half to get to the city by car.

In September, I arrived in Newton Town. Clariana was here for the first time, and as soon as she got off the plane, she ran around, saying excitedly, “Mom, it’s big here.”

I smiled and took her to YT Apartment. When I left, I bought a house and left Diana’s house for Clariana.

I had the keys, and there were photos of Clariana and me in the apartment. Clariana was excited and walked around the house. Seeing the photo on the head of the bed in the bedroom, she took it to me and asked, “Mom, who is this aunt with you?”

Her face was innocent and lovely and full of doubt. I felt some pain in my heart. I took the picture frame in her hand and looked at the picture of us, who were young and smiling happily.

This picture was taken the year we graduated from college. Diana was already working at a bar that year.

She saved the money and dragged me to the studio to take this photo. “We always have to keep some memories of the time,” she said. “Otherwise, when we get old, we will forget what we were like when we were young.”

Yeah!

We always had to leave some memory of the time, otherwise we would forget ourselves.

“Mom, why are you crying?” Clariana said in her soft, sweet voice. I crouched down and hugged her, feeling terrible.

“Clariana, I’m gonna take you to the aunt tomorrow, okay?” I hadn’t been here in four years. I was wandering if she was okay.

Clariana nodded, looked at Diana in the photo and lifted her hand to wipe my tears. “Ok!”

I put my arms around her, and I suppressed my emotions, “Clariana, this auntie is the most important person to mom, and to you, so will you promise to stop calling her auntie and call her mom, too?”

She was confused, “Why? Joey said you can only have one father and one mother. If I call someone else Mom, what do I call you?”

I couldn’t tell Clariana I didn’t give birth to her, but I didn’t want her to not remember Diana at all. She had no memory until she was four years old, but after that, she remembered everything about Diana.

She seemed a little confused, but seeing how serious I was, she thought for a moment and nodded. “Okay, mom, I’ll do what you want. I’ll call this aunt Diana Mommy, okay?”

I nodded.

We settled down. The next day.

I took Clariana to the cemetery in a cab. I had not been here for a long time, and the cemetery seemed to have been enlarged again, with more and more headstones.

How many people lost their families and loved ones in four years.

At the gate of the flower shop outside the cemetery, the flower seller was a middle-aged woman. Seeing me with my child, she blurted out, “Do you want a bunch of white chrysanthemums?”

I smiled, shook my head and ushered Clariana into the shop. “Hi, I’d like to choose on my own, may I?”