Love You Can’t Say

I smiled, carried the basket with one hand, and held the watermelon I had just picked with another. I walked over to Alex and said, “What has brought you here? Didn’t you say you would be busy with work lately?”

Alex put down Clarie Bear, took the basket and the watermelon from me, and said, “Because I know the fruits here are ripe, I have to come over to stay for a few days and enjoy them. Will you allow it, Ms. Clara?”

“Sure!”

Alex had opened a psychological counseling studio in Newton Town. It had been running well over the years.

He used to visit Clarie Bear and me often in the first couple of years when I had moved here in the HL Area. But he had become busier in recent years and could only visit us once or twice a year now.

After dinner and some fruits, Clarie Bear was clamoring to go out for a walk. The sun went down late during summertime.

After all, everyone had nothing else to do, so we went ahead to take a walk along the alley together.

There were a lot of roses planted on both sides of the alley, and they were flourishing in midsummer. Clarie Bear liked to play nearby there, especially liked to bring Nathan and Joey with her.

Because every time Clarie came, Nathan would buy her an ice cream whenever she asked for it.

Nathan came out of the cold-drink shop, with three ice creams in hand. He gave one to Clarie Bear and Joey each, then handed one to me.

I couldn’t help laughing – I was treated like a child after all.

Clarie licked the ice cream carefully, looked up at Nathan, and said, “Uncle Nathan, why do you always buy one for mom? Mom says only kids eat ice cream, adults don’t.”

Nathan smiled, “Your mother is a kiddo just like you.”

Clarie was confused. She took a look at Alex, and then she said to Nathan, “Uncle Alex is the same age as my mommy, so he is a child too! Why didn’t you buy one for him?”

Alex was taking a sip of water and immediately spit it out. And then he looked at Clarie and said, “Sweetie, Uncle Alex is a grown-up man, not a kid. I don’t eat things like this. And I am different from your mother – She will always be kiddo, no matter how old your mommy is.”

Clarie nodded, but she didn’t seem to understand it completely.

Night fell slowly. The street lights on both sides of the alley were on, and I couldn’t help but space out – Luis and I seemed to have walked through such a long alley a few years ago.

The alley was also full of roses of various colors. It was just that there were no night markets or hot-pots at the end of this alley.

“What are you thinking?” Alex patted me.

I realized that Clarie and Joey had run farther away, and Nathan was following behind the two children.

Facing Alex, I shook my head, coming back to my senses.

Alex looked at Nathan who was protecting the children. He looked at me, raised his eyebrows, and said, “The personality and appearance are not bad, except for being a little older, he is a keeper.”

I was confused by Alex’s inexplicable words. I looked at him, frowning, “What are you talking about?”

He shrugged, “Trying to find someone for you!”

I laughed, “It seems that you are not so busy with work lately, are you?”

Alex curled his lips and said with ease, “Honestly, I think he’s a great catch. He’s been great to you, and he’s been looking out for you and Clarie Bear these years. You are in your early thirties now, it’s time for you to truly move on from the past and start planning the rest of life properly and nicely. Find someone who can keep you company, love you, and care for you. So you won’t be a lonely old lady when Clarie Bear grows up and leaves home.”

I was speechless, ignored what Alex had said, and kept up with Nathan and two kids walking in front of me.

He followed me and kept on his persuasion, “Hey, listen to me. I mean it – Dennis George is about to get engaged. Now that you’ve let go of the past, you should think about your future seriously.”

I stiffened suddenly, but it was just for a moment. I was stunned for a few seconds, and then I looked back at Alex, and asked casually, “Dennis is getting engaged?”

He nodded, “With Olivia Pearson. After all, Olivia is his responsibility. Even when there is no love, there is still the responsibility. It won’t make that much of a difference even they do get married. But for you… I think Nathan’s great.”

I didn’t say more, sighed slightly, and continued to walk along the alley. The night was getting darker and darker.

Right!

It had been four years, and it was no surprise that Dennis had started a new chapter of his life.

After all, he had passed by my life. But he should still have my blessings.

I finished eating the ice cream quietly in the dark. Suddenly I had a feeling that the road of the alley might be the path of my life.

Back in the yard, Clarie Bear went to bed early. Nathan took Joey home. Alex and I chatted for a long time before he went back to his room to rest.

I was in the bedroom, pressing my aching lower abdomen for a long time, and couldn’t recover. Yikes – It had been four years already and every time I was on menstruation, I would twitch all over in severe pain.

The ice cream I just had made the pain even worse.Content bel0ngs to Nôvel(D)r/a/ma.Org.

I thought the pain would lessen if I just stay up until the middle of the night as usual. I never had expected that I would end up passing out from the pain.

I woke up in the hospital then. Alex looked at me, a bit annoyed, “Don’t you know that you should avoid eating too much cold food when you are on your period?”

I pursed my lips and sighed slightly, “It doesn’t hurt anymore!”

Alex glared at me, his eyes were a little watery and red, “Clarie got so scared that she cried so hard. She can’t be without you now. Why didn’t you give me a call? I was just in the room next door. You could have shouted my name. Why do you have to endure the pain by yourself? What were you thinking – Why didn’t you ask for help?”

Alex was right.

I wasn’t even sure when I had stopped asking for help from others.

I smiled and shook my head slightly, “Don’t worry about it, okay? I am fine.”

Seeing that I didn’t seem to care what he had said, Alex simply stopped talking, turned, and left the ward, obviously angry.

Nathan had handled the formalities. He looked at me a little apologetically, “I was careless. I am sorry I didn’t notice.”

I shook my head, “It’s not your fault. I was craving some ice cream. Don’t blame yourself. Did Joey go to school?”

He nodded, “Clarie went, too. But she has been so worried about you. I’ll go to their school in a while and tell her you’re okay.”

“Thank you!” Clarie Bear and I relied on each other. We couldn’t live without one another.

Nathan smiled, “Don’t worry about it. Get some rest in the hospital for the following two days. I will handle the work at the hotel – You should quit the cleaning position and just continue to do receptions and assignments. It would be easier that way.”

A simple thank-you wouldn’t be enough. I smiled and said, “I appreciate it.”

Nathan smiled, put the hospital bill beside me, sighed lightly, and said, “Ask for help if you need to. You are not alone.”

I pursed my lips and said no more.

I felt better already. Alex was around to take care of Clarie Bear. And Nathan went over to check on her whenever he could.

In the past four years, my life had been about work and taking care of Clarie Bear. It was a lucky surprise in the sickness’s disguise now that I had had a few days to spare on my own.

I packed up my stuff and got discharged from the hospital. Alex looked at me and said, “The doctor says that your menstruation discomfort was caused by the birth of a child before. You are only thirty years old. You need to take care of yourself from now on – Stay well!”

I smiled, didn’t say much, but just said, “Clarie Bear is craving some chicken wings for dinner. Let’s stop by the supermarket on our way back home later.”

He shrugged, “Do you ever think of anything else in your head?”

I didn’t say a word and went downstairs with my things.

Nathan was kind-hearted and thoughtful. He had already driven over to the hospital and waited downstairs. I didn’t know how to turn him down, so I got in the car eventually.

We bought chicken wings at the supermarket. After Nathan had driven Alex and me back to the yard, he went to pick up Clarie Bear and Joey from the kindergarten.