Love You Can’t Say

I kept asking over and over in my head why did we end up like this. Was it because we didn’t love each other? So we could mess with each other and trample on each other?

I looked at him, and in his dark eyes there was an abyss, and all I could see was darkness.

How bleak and ridiculous it was!

I sneered faintly.

He looked at me, his eyes deep, and he kissed me. “Call me!”

I pressed my lips together, put my head to one side, and closed my eyes.

His thin, cool lip hovered near my ear, and his voice softened a little. “Clara, call me!”

I said nothing. All I could think about was how to escape. I knew he was waiting for me to tell him that I cared about him, that I loved him, that I wanted him.

But I couldn’t say it. I’ve buried so much in my heart over the years. He protected Olivia and took care of her again and again, hurting me again and again.

I held it all in my heart, and over time, it took root and multiplied and grew stronger.

What was so great about love? There were so many choices in the human circle, everyone could compromise, everyone could fit.

“Dennis, let’s get a divorce!” I said it rationally, without impulse or anger.

He froze. I pushed him away, expressionless, pulling my clothes to cover me.

“Are you serious?” His dark eyes fell on me, looking depressed.

I pressed my lips together and nodded to his dark eyes “Let’s take a break from each other. Maybe it was wrong from the start. Just because Grandpa thought we’re good for each other doesn’t mean we’re really good for each other. My feelings for you may not have been love from the beginning, just admiration. And you might just be guilty of ignoring me for so long.”This text is property of Nô/velD/rama.Org.

There was no love between us, and there were only some pieces pieced together to fit each other.

He said, the gloom on his face like a gathering cloud. “Not love.”

It was more like he was talking to himself. Later I had been thinking about how many couples in the world stayed together all their lives because they were suitable for each other. And how did those couples who loved each other lived their lives?

Maybe there was no such thing as love. All was but an excuse for human self-comfort.

He cornered me with a merciless sneer on his face. “Just tell me what love is. What do you mean by love? You talk about divorce so easily, like it’s none of your business. Do you think that because I spoil you and protect you, I deserve to be screwed over?”

My legs were weak and I slid down the cold wall to the floor. I wrapped my arms around my legs and said, “The person you spoil and protect us now lying in the hospital.”

“Oh!” He sneered. “Must you cling to the past? Do you want me to kill Olivia to love you? Clara, how bad is it in you to take things to such extremes?”

I pressed my lips together, stared at my toes, and looked up at him. “Is this the first day you know me?”

He laughed furiously. “What about you? There’s a dead man in your heart. What is it that you risk your life to chase a stranger who looks like him in the street?”

I calmed down and looked at him faintly, “Since we can’t get over each other, let’s get a divorce. I don’t want any of your family’s things, and I will transfer grandpa’s company under my name to you. You don’t have to give me the house or the car. After all, we don’t have kids now, and since we both think it’s wrong, we should divorce now. It’s never too late to start from scratch.”

“Fuck it!” Dennis slammed the lamp to the floor, furious. “What do you mean it’s never too late? You’re the only one who can’t let go. What can’t I let go?”

I felt tired and stuck in a dead end.

Dennis’s temper seemed to have reached its limit. I couldn’t tell which of his angry words was true.

I pushed him away and stood up, leaning against the wall, “I’m going to live somewhere else for a while, and when we cool off, we’ll talk about the divorce.”

He held me down, his thin, cold lips pressed to the corners of my mouth, his lips resting on mine, and his voice extremely controlled, “Did you ever love me?”

I pressed my lips together, feeling as if I had been punched hard in the heart, breathless with pain. “Does it matter?”

“Yes.” He kissed me with suppressed emotion, “Do we never get back together after the divorce? Huh?”

I pressed my lips. “Yes.” No one in the world got back together after divorce. Since they divorced because they did not love each other, they would not fall in love again.

“Oh!” He sneered. “Then why should I want a divorce?”

He bit my lip with a bloodthirsty chill in his eyes, “It’s okay if you don’t love me. I’ll give you time. One day you’ll be tempted. You’d better forget about Hank. Let alone dead, even if he was alive, I wouldn’t have given you a chance to be with him. You can only be mine, Clara.”

He pulled at the clothes and put them on quickly. Then he gave me a cold, indifferent look. “Stay there!”

There was a buzz in my head as I watched him slam the door. Didn’t everything start out fine? Why did it end up like this?

Nanny Daisy came up a long time later and saw me squatting on the ground, confused and helpless. She sighed. “Well, husband and wife…”

“Nanny Daisy, I need a moment alone.” Exhausted, I left the study and went straight to my bedroom to lock the door behind me.

…

Lying on the bed until midnight, I was suddenly awakened by a nightmare.

No one was around, so I got up and got a glass of water. I checked the time and it was three o’clock in the morning. I probably wouldn’t be able to sleep.

I didn’t eat anything for dinner, so I opened door to go down stairs. Nanny Daisy left food in the kitchen. I ate a little, and I really lost my appetite.

When I went upstairs, I took a conscious look in the study and found it was empty. All the broken things in the room were cleaned up.

Looked like Dennis was out all night. Back in the bedroom, I read the email from JD Technology Co., Ltd.

It was soon daylight. The second heavy snowfall in City P arrived.

The whole yard was covered with snow. People were up early in the villa area to shovel snow for fear of traffic jams.

Nanny Daisy arrived and saw that I was already up. She paused and said, “The New Year is coming. Many people are doing their New Year shopping. Clara, after dinner later, let’s go for a walk and see what we need.”

I smiled, “I can’t. I have something to do this afternoon. Did Dennis book you a flight back to Newton Town?”