Want to Play A Game

What the hell just happened? I am literally in shock the way that he just made my body feel. I felt something I have never felt in my entire life. The pleasure was exhilarating. Pleasure like that you would never even think really existed in this world. What kind of game is he playing here? I’m not even sure I care if he is playing a game. I guess I can learn to play just as well.

After we are done fucking we just stared at each other. Not sure what the fuck really to say to one another. I go to speak but nothing comes out, not really sure why. I start to get dressed and just smile.

“Well that was quite fun, now wasn’t it? I can cross having sex on a roof off my bucket list.”

“Well Jessica if you would like I could help you cross a lot off your bucket list . Make you feel things that you didn’t even know were possible to feel.”

I want to feel brave, I want to be able to feel everything that he wants to make me feel. Question is am I brave enough to do it or will I chicken out. I wish I could just go with the flow of things.

I just don’t know if I will be able to not overthink his every action on what he might do to me. I mean come on the things that he could do to me. Makes me curious. The doors that he could possibly open me up to. The things that I never knew even existed or were even possible.

I blush at him not sure what to say I answer ,”Is that right now Matt.”

“Yes Jessica that is damn right don’t tell me you don’t want it. I can tell in your face that you are having trouble to control yourself now.”

“Is that why you brought me up here is to fuck me?  Is that all you wanted to do?”Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.

“No that was just a plus. I wanted to show you the stars.”

“Well then show me them.”

“Well don’t you think that we should get dressed first then I will show you the stars.”

I look at myself not realizing I’m still naked. I never got dressed how did I not notice that. I instantly feel like an idiot. As I am getting dressed I am thinking about everything. I can’t just not overthink something. I wish that I could just go with it lose control, do things that I would never do otherwise. It’s so much harder said than done, I just can’t.

“Come on Jess let me so show you something that I actually enjoy.”

I walk over with him. I’m sort of excited learning something new about him. Wanting to know all there really is to know. There is something about him that is just different from anyone I have ever met before. He is so interesting to me. I am not sure what it is but I think it will be fun to figure it out. He got on some app on his phone to show me what’s  in the night sky. It shows all the stars that are in the sky no matter your location.

I look through his telescope as he is showing me where every star is. I’m not so sure what I’m looking at even though he is explaining everything. I get lost in the moment. His hands touching my body it is the most amazing feeling. His lips are moving but I can’t understand  the words that are coming out of his mouth. Just enjoying watching his lips moving wishing his lips where on my body. He is so fucking handsome. I just want to attack him with lust even though I just had him. I want him again his touch was just breath taking.

“Jessica are you okay? You are very quiet. Are you not having a good time.”

“I’m sorry Matt, I am having a great time. I am just all in my head. Sorry I am just so overwhelmed I’m just trying to keep control of myself.”

As he gets closer to me he says, “Jessica am I making you nervous.

“Yes you do! Not really sure why.”

“You know Jessica, it is okay you don’t have to have control all the time. Sometimes you can just let go and be yourself.”

“I am really not sure what your talking about. I don’t need to lose control to be myself.”

“Jessica only if you could see what I see. I think you would look at yourself and your life in a whole new way.”

As we start gazing at the sky I wonder what he is talking about. What he sees in me that I haven’t even noticed myself. He is so different from anybody I have ever met. I think that’s why I am so attracted to him. I love the way he makes me feel when I’m in his presence. I can’t explain it but its just irresistible. If I could only figure out why he makes me feel the way he does. Maybe then it would be easier to understand. I just feel like I am making no sense at all. There is just a mystery about him that I want to solve. Well maybe  I just want him to make me his. What the fuck is wrong with me? I need to snap the fuck out of it. I can’t be all sensitive. I need to be like whatever and just go with it.

“Well Jessica it’s starting to late should we start to head in. I showed you everything that I wanted to show you.”

“Yes, I’m actually getting tired and I have work in the morning. I better not get to bed too late I guess.”

“Well if you want you can go ahead. I can clean all this up myself. I’ll see you later.”

“Are you sure? I don’t mind helping if you would like me to stay to help.”

“It’s okay I got it I’ll see you later.”

I go and leave I don’t even know what I’m even feeling. I’m actually trying not to feel. I think it is actually easier to feel than trying not to feel. Not feeling just makes me feel worse. There I go overthinking feelings. I laugh at myself. I just go to my apartment hoping I feel better after I get there. God if I would just not give a fuck about what just happened but I can’t just stop.

As I get into my apartment I decided to get a shower. I turned the water on to warm and look at myself asking myself what the hell did I just do. Not really knowing and understanding what but also just being like whatever as I climb into the shower. I wash the filth off of my body.

Not regretting what just happened because it was quite incredible. Even though it was not who I thought I was. I guess I will find out who I really am. As I get out of the shower, I dry myself off walk into my bedroom to find some comfy clothes. I lay down on my bed put the covers over my head and fall straight to sleep.