The Dark Beast's Love

He took me to the forest I'd yet taken the time to explore, not because I haven't had time but because I knew that the forest was the place you were most likely to find Riven when he was gone, and I still tried my hardest to have unnecessary interactions. However, this time I followed him willingly. It had taken me a lot of time to calm down and gain enough energy to carry Theo's lifeless body, especially since I had refused any help from Riven's side. Meanwhile, Riven had taken out a shovel and a sharp screwdriver from the barns where he kept most things stored. The shovel was an obvious necessity for what we were about to do, but I didn't understand what the screwdriver was for, nor did I have the energy to ask.

The path to the forest was easy to spot as if someone had walked it a thousand times until it became a permanent imprint on the forest. Looking at Riven's certainty, that was probably exactly what had happened. The forest in the glade wasn't big. One might lose another in it but it wouldn't take long before they found each other or the end of the forest again and I couldn't help but think that Theo's imagination would have thrived in a place like this, a place where the trees grow too fast and their branches are always thick and healthy. I could still see before my eyes the way he climbed the smaller ones just some hours ago, and it pained me that it was his last moment in another world completely. When we finally reached Riven's wanted destination, I could see the side of a mountain cutting through the forest like a wall. In the middle of a less narrow place, there was a tree with carvings on its stem, names I realised when I got closer, but Riven showed no regard to the tree and instead walked to something behind it. At first, I saw nothing, from my perspective it just seemed like he knelt on the ground, but that was when I spotted the cross made out of planks with a name carved into it.

*Xavier*

I almost jumped out of my skin when Riven started to speak.

"Seems like you're getting a friend today, Xavier," Riven said in a voice too soft for the current display of his body where dirt, sweat and blood mixed together and stained his skin. "Take care of him, will you? At least until his family can take over."

And then without further warning, Riven took the shovel and started digging a hole next to Xavier's grave. I contemplated helping him with the digging but there was only one shovel and my hands had been around Theo for so long that I wasn't even sure if my muscles knew how to let go. So instead I sat and watched as Riven continued to dig, the sweat now dripping from his forehead and his back muscles moving smoothly with every pile of dirt he had to throw aside. I looked back at the names on the tree and counted at least a dozen of them. There were some male names and then there were some females. Some I even recognised but since there was only the first name that was carved in the people the names were referring to could have been literally anyone with that exact name. Then I looked back at Xavier and the cross that bore his name. It was a little worn down from being in a forest. Moss and sprouts of leaves grew on the bottom of it but otherwise, it was clear that someone had kept it in a good shape.

When I looked back at Riven after a while, the hole was already as deep as to his waist and I would have been marvelled at his speed and strength if only the circumstances would have been different, but it wasn't. This was a funeral, the most informal funeral ever with both guests covered in blood and one shirtless. Still, it was a funeral nonetheless because I wanted Theo's soul to find rest as soon as possible, and that could only happen if we returned his body to the gods that take care of the soil.

We placed the body down gently, and then each threw down some dirt at it before Riven returned to his shovelling, covering the pile with dirt again. Nothing was said out loud but I sent prayer after prayer for his soul, and just hoped that whatever existed on the other side would greet him with the kindest heart they could master. If Riven did the same, I did not know. His expression was unreadable as he worked and he'd barely spoken to me since we got here. Not that I blamed him. I had just wished death upon him instead, him and the beast inside him. Now, I wondered how unfair that was.Text property © Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org.

The beast was a part of him, an amplification of himself, but the curse was the consequence of a witch's magic. I'd started to understand now that even if Riven and the beast were the same unity, the change was in their prioritising of instincts. While Riven lacked the strength to get out of here and instead used his energy to focus on surviving, the beast used his energy to follow his instincts, and like any wild predator, they have the desire to hunt. One part of me wondered if by understanding his situation, I'd started to accept it and that part of me was furious at me for letting him live, for being so close to him without feeling a strong sense of repulsion or hatred. This part of me shouted the names of the deceased - the names of those who'd been his victims; Mrs Morrigan Evermore, Mr Heimdenger, the entire Carvesson family, my mother and many more to remind of my promise, of the one goal I'd had since that night. I'd spent endless days and nights thinking about the fall of the beast, anticipating its death, training so that I was sure that I could take the final shot when the time came. All that time, only to realise that he was impossible to kill, and it felt like I was going mad,

Another part of me was tired, tired of the bitterness, tired of the hatred, tired of spending almost a month alone when another person was right there. He was still a beast, he was still a murderer, the knowledge hadn't slipped my mind but I was too exhausted to have to overthink everything just so that I could hate him and survive at the same time. I still did, sometimes when I thought about him I got nauseous with hatred, but I was also so tired of pretending that I wasn't alone. Theo had helped for a bit, but after tonight, I was pretty sure that no matter how many people washed up from the river, none would be able to stay permanently.

"Do you want some?"

In my absence of consciousness, Riven had managed to refill the hole that held Theo's body and manifested a bottle of something I suspected was whiskey from out of nowhere. The screwdriver sat on the head of the grave as a temporary tombstone and I grimaced at the unprofessional sight of it.

"I'll make a cross for him as well," Riven said as he followed my gaze. "Just have to get some planks out here first."

I nodded slowly.

"Want some?" Riven asked again and held the container of liquor in front of me. When I silently declined he just shrugged and took a large gulp before putting it in one of the tree trunks, probably the same place he'd taken it from in the first place and in the back of my mind I recalled what a weird place it was to store liquor, but I said nothing about that.

"This has happened before," It was the first words I'd spoken in a while. "This. Theo, people getting into the glade of the canyon or whatever."

Riven said nothing at first, but then nodded.

"All these names on the tree, do they belong to people you have killed?"

Riven let out a dry chuckle. "No, those are the names of the people that have been here and then killed themselves trying to get out."

"Why?" I asked, ignoring the dryness of my throat.

"Because I told them the truth," Riven shrugged but then covered his face with his hands in frustration.

"Because you told them that you were the beast."

I wondered if some of these people were from my own town. People go missing every year. It seemed likely that at least one of them had somehow ended up here only to meet their demise by another force.

"Yes," Riven responded. "Because I told them that I was a beast. That I was the monster behind the rumour that spread through these small towns like a forest fire. Most of them fled almost immediately, falling off a cliff or drowning themselves in the process. Others tried to kill me first, just like you, but ran when they realised the impossible."

"What about Xavier?" I asked. "Was he the first?"

"No," Riven sighed with a sad tone. "He wasn't the first one in." Then he hesitated. "But he was the first one to stay."

I had to process the words before I carefully laid out my next question.

"What happened to him?"

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Another dry laugh erupted from his throat. "He was too close. I warned him that we sought blood but he was too close and once the blood had started to flow, there was no going back."

"You killed him," I said, not as a question, but as a statement.

"I killed him," Riven admitted.

"You knew he would die today," I said then. "Theo. That's why you warned me not to grow attached."

"I did," Riven said. "And look how great it worked out." He paused. "We always go for the kill."

I didn't point out that he had referred to himself and the beast as *we* twice now.

"But not when it comes to me," I reminded him.

"No," He agreed. "Because you carry a different curse. Because you are cursed to be destined with a beast, and behind all this bloodshed, the beast still wants you to love him." The translation of those words burned into my consciousness.

*I still want you to love me.*

I looked back at the uneven spot on the ground where the soil had just been moved around and wondered when our curses would be lifted.