Love You Can’t Say

Dennis put me in the chair. Hank was already surrounded by a lot of people, and his blood was spreading widely.

I looked at him and he opened his mouth to me. His mouth was moving. I didn’t know what he was saying. I just felt like my heart was choking.

Dennis walked over to him, reached for his breath, and looked at me with a grave face.

I got up and struggled to get to him with what little strength I had left. Hank raised his hand and grabbed me. As he opened his mouth, a stream of black blood gushed from his mouth.

I shook my head, tears obscuring my vision. “Hank, don’t talk. You’ll be fine. The doctor will be here soon.”

He strained a pale smile, “Clara, it’s all over, next life I’ll meet you first, and you’ll love me first.”

I didn’t know what to say, just felt bad. My whole head was buzzing and my mouth was choking. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so selfish. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…”

I shouldn’t have ignored the loss of his parents, or his feelings, or kept him at arm’s length, or ignored his emotions, or ignored the only thing he wanted to live for. I was wrong.

He chuckled, blood trickling more and more from the corners of his mouth, “It’s okay. I know you’re in a pickle. Stay alive!”

Watching him close his eyes, I couldn’t remember how many times I’d experienced other people’s death, over and over again, watching those who loved me and those I loved pass away from me one by one.

And I was directly or indirectly responsible for their leaving me. I was the one who deserved to die, to be hurt, to be punished, why did it end up being someone else?

I looked at Hank’s lifeless body, at Dennis’s cold face, at Yara’s cold contempt not far away, and at the passers-by who were talking and indifferent.

I never thought the world could be so cold. I felt like I had been stabbed hundreds of times in the heart. It hurt so much that I could barely breathe.

How could people die so quickly? Before I could think about his last words, before I could remember what had happened, how could he have gone?

As the paramedics carried Hank’s body away, I suddenly pushed Dennis aside and grabbed Hank’s hand to keep them from taking him.

But Dennis was so strong, he took me in his arms, and his voice was cold and subdued. “Clara, calm down, he’s dead.”

I stared at the pool of blood left on the ground, and suddenly I felt great hatred. Looking at Yara’s face, I said word by word, “Yara, it’s you who should die, isn’t it?”

She backed away, her face white, looked at me in disbelief and said, “Clara, what did you say?”

“You’re the one who should die, aren’t you? Why do you have to be alive? It is you who killed Gloria word by word, it is you who killed Hank with Yank and Gloria’s life, it is all you. All along, you’ve been the killer, and you’re the one who deserves to die.”

“Clara, what are you talking about?” Yara stared at me in disbelief and literally said, “You’re crazy! You are crazy!”

I looked at her sarcastically and thought she was utterly ridiculous. You killed three Gibson’s with your own hands! Aren’t you afraid of retribution? You drove them to death!”

“Not me!” Yara thundered, “Clara, I’m not going to quarrel with you because you’re Dennis’s wife. You’d better keep your mouth shut, or I’ll have to Sue you for libel.”

I sneered. “Well! You can sue me as long as you can sleep in the middle of the night, as long as you won’t be guilty, as long as you can comfortably let go of the Gibson family’s three lives, of course you can sue me!”

Yara was so angry that she looked at me for a long time and could not say a word. Finally, she looked at me and sneered, “Clara, why are you so sad about Hank’s death? Are you in love with him? Are you distressed? You can’t let him go? Don’t forget whose wife you are, and remember what you should and shouldn’t say.”

What?!

It was laughable that a man could be so shameless.

The great snow from the sky, and the goose – like snow fell on the ground in the dazzling blood and soon covered it. All that could be seen were dots of scarlet, as if it had all been an illusion.

Dennis hadn’t spoken since he brought me back to the villa. And I had no desire to talk, my heart was heavy with Hank’s blood.

And a lot of remorse and guilt. If I had noticed the change earlier, if I had known that he no longer had the will to live, if I had been able to go through it with him despite the gossip, despite Dennis’s jealousy, would he not have ended up here?© 2024 Nôv/el/Dram/a.Org.

It was all my fault. I was selfish. I had too many scruples. It was my fault!

It was already dark and it was snowing harder and harder outside. Over and over in my head, I saw the picture of Hank closing his eyes.

Too fidgety, I went downstairs to the yard, the chill of midwinter driving away much of my fidgety and aching heart.

But I couldn’t get rid of the guilt that I felt. The more I tried to erase it, the more all the good things that Hank had done for me came to the fore.

So the guilt in my heart became greater and greater. The snow was getting heavier and heavier. Jenny came out with an umbrella and saw me half buried in the snow. She said sadly, “Madam, please go back. It’s cold outside. You could easily get frostbite.”

I looked at her vaguely and pulled out a smile. I looked at her, shook my head, and said in a deep voice, “Jenny, it’s so tired to be alive!”

She was stunned, put the cotton-padded coat on me, stretched out her hand to pull me, “Don’t talk nonsense!”

When she touched my cold hands, she exclaimed, “They are frozen like this. Go back, or you’ll get frostbite.”

I did not move. I thought I would feel better in such a bad situation. Jenny pulled at me several times. She, who was very old, had nothing to do with me but to say, “Don’t you go to sleep while I call Mr. George. You’re killing yourself, kid!”

Dennis took me back and went into the study. I thought he came downstairs when he heard Jenny’s voice.

He strode out of the house with pursed lips. Seeing me standing stiffly in the snow, he looked angrily at Jenny. “What’s wrong?”

Jenny shook her head and sighed. “There’s something wrong with her.”

I looked up at Dennis in black and felt strange. I shook my head slightly and said, “I’m fine!”