Fighting Darius

My heart hurt. Physically hurt. I’m physically ill. I clutch my chest and stagger all the way to my room on the left wing. Such a long walk. I cover my mouth as the bile rises in my throat. As soon as I reach my room, I run to the ensuite bathroom and empty my stomach in the toilet bowl. Then I lay down on the cool tile floor, just staring at the ceiling feeling numb. My chest is hurting badly. So this is what a heartbreak feels like.

The scene in the bedroom keeps playing in my mind. Tangled sheets and naked bodies. Cries of ecstasy. His intense icy blue eyes.

I threw up a couple more times and now I’m dry heaving because there’s nothing left to come out. After rinsing my mouth, I lie back down on the hard gleaming tile. I just want to lie here and die, but I know I don’t have that option.

With shaky hands, I call the airline and make a reservation to go home. The earliest available flight is early tomorrow morning. I would’ve flown home tonight if I could.

After that, I throw everything I own haphazardly into my bag. I know I won’t be coming back. I hear somebody knocking on my door before it bursts open.

“Oh, my goddess, Penny. I heard! How could he???” exclaims Genesis as soon as she rushes into my bedroom. She’s bristling.

What???? She knows what happened? Who else knew? Oh, how embarrassing!

“What an ass!!!” she keeps going. “I mean, you’re his erasthai!

Why would he want to mark that Polina woman?”

“Is that all you’ve heard?” I ask her.

“Huh? Why? Is there more to know?” she suddenly stops

ranting. Her big hazel eyes widening, bright with fury on my behalf.

“Oh, no, no…I just thought there’s more to know…you know..”

Her eyes narrow as she stares at me suspiciously for a second before she continues with her ranting almost as if it happened to her.

“Fuzzy slippers!!! Men! I swear it. Urghh!!!! They’re soooo stupid!” she exclaims. “If you want, I volunteer to

“accidentally” drop something on his gorgeous head to knock some sense into him. Drop something REALLY hard and big and heavy,” she lifted her fingers to air quote when she said

“Accidentally”. Her flawless face flushes prettily from her anger.

“No, Genesis. Please don’t. I just want to go home. I don’t want any embarrassing scene,” I plead.

All fire disappears from her eyes as she looks at me. I know, of all the people here, Genesis would be the person who would understand me the most right now. She had gone through worse rejection.

“I’ll go back with you,” she offers.

“No, I can go back by myself. I’m leaving first thing tomorrow morning. I…I want to be alone for a while,” I tell her. I know she won’t be too happy to be away from her mate for too long. I

don’t want to burden her anymore with my problems. Goddess knows she’d been looking after me for so long now. Three years of endless support.

Her thick luscious lips formed a firm rigid line as if trying to stop herself from saying more. Finally, she nods her head looking resigned. She understands that it’s my battle to fight.

My pain to suffer through.

I pray that she wouldn’t pull me into a hug. I know I’d wail like a baby in her arms if she did.

“You know where to find me if you need me,” she drops a kiss on my head before she quietly leaves my bedroom.

The moment she closes the door behind her, I zip up my bag and pull up a chair to sit in front of a big window. I love the view from this window in the morning. I can see the sunrise and the valley below.

I can see it clearly now. He doesn’t want me. He never wanted me. I made a nuisance of myself. All these years, all I can see was his gorgeous face. His body, his eyes, his lips, his hair,…did I mention his body already? It must be so tiring for him to have to deal with my unwanted attention all these years. Three years. How utterly pathetic am I. How embarrassing. I’m a fool! Stupid Penny! Stupid, stupid Penny! Well, no more. I’m tired of fighting. I’m done. There’s no us. Maybe I’ll find my mate soon. This will be all behind me one day.

I stay up all night just staring out the window. I feel numb, but I know the pain will come. When the morning breaks, I get up to shower and do all my morning routine. I don’t think. I’m on

autopilot. I get out of the bathroom to find breakfast waiting for me on the trolley near the bed. Genesis thought of everything. She must have known that I don’t feel like facing anybody this morning.

I open the shiny stainless steel cover dome to find steaming hot Russian breakfast underneath. These are usually my favorite, but my appetite is non-existent this morning. I force a few bites down my throat and wash it down with a few sips of thick black coffee. That’s all I can manage.

A black Rolls-Royce is waiting to take me to the airport outside.

The driver opens the door and takes my two luggage. I climb in to find Genesis already sitting inside the car. She’s in a simple but smart designer dress. She looks every bit of her part as a lycan princess.

We hold hands all the way to the airport without saying a word.

I feel a sense of calmness enveloping me all through the car ride. I know Genesis is using her lycan power to spread the feeling of calmness in me.

She walks with me through the airport to the Golden lounge, along with two big bodyguards.

“Where’s Constantine?” I asked her, trying to think of something else instead of feeling sorry for myself.

“I told him I needed some alone time with my bestie. As you can see, he wouldn’t agree to it unless we have some big burly for security,” she says, tipping her head towards the two men.

“I can hear you, princess,” mutters one of the men. My bestie just rolls her eyes. She already made friends…or enemy with them, depending on how you look at it. Typical Genesis.

“They’re everywhere,” she whispers confidentially to me.

“Just call me if you need me,” she says as she pulls me into her arms when they call for my boarding. “You know I’d do

anything for you.”

Tears pricked beneath my closed eyelids. I just nod as I let go of her.

My waterwork starts as soon as I climb on board when I couldn’t feel her calming presence anymore. It’s a good thing that Genesis put me in the business class instead of the economy class that I first booked myself on. I’m in my own private enclosed seating, that means I’m not scaring my neighbor with my ugly crying. I cry all the way from

Sheretmetyevo, Moscow to O’Hare International Airport. I don’t even care about the gourmet food or the luxurious kit that comes with first class flying.

I must look very bad because an air stewardess asks me just once if I need anything, then she leaves me alone for the rest of the journey. I was tempted to ask for a bottle of Rémy Martin or Johny Walker to chug down my sorrow, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to arrive home drunk.

Persephone Aspen Ruiz, you listen here; STOP CRYING AND

STOP MAKING A FOOL OF YOURSELF. Well…okay, right now

I’m just going to cry my heart out. Then I’m done. Like really really done.

I cry till I fall asleep. I wake up and continue crying. Stupid Penny.

One week. I’m in pain. I don’t know if his lycan ever claimed Juno, but something feels different after that kiss. Genesis told me once that when a lycan claimed your wolf, it’s a warning for other lycans to stay away. Other werewolves can’t sense it. It won’t affect your future mating to your mate if that’s the only thing that happened.

Two weeks. I’m still in pain. I’ve done nothing but stay in my room and stare at the wall since I got back home from Russia.

One day blends into another. My parents are worried about me.

I smile fake smile and say all the right things just to get them off my back.

Genesis has been calling and texting almost every day. She told me that they’re coming back to go to a college in California soon. She never mentioned Darius. I never asked. He might have marked that woman. They might have mated by now.

Stupid Penny! Why do you care? Well, I don’t. I mean, I won’t.

Marked and mated is for life. It’s not like you can get a divorce like human marriage. He said he didn’t want a mate, but he’s making her his mate. So, what he meant was, he didn’t want ME as his mate. Stupid Penny. I should’ve known. Stupid, stupid Penny.

The both of them must be so happy by now. Him and that woman, Polina. I hate her. I hate him. I hate them both. I hope they have a nice life together. NOT! I hope they’ll have a fucking long miserable life together. I hope they get hit by a

cement truck and die. I hope they fall into shark-infested water and get eaten. I hope they run out of french fries and starved…I can’t think of anything worse because fries are my favorite. I hope they both go to hell. I imagine all sorts of horrible scenarios for them and some of them make me giggle. I think I’m going bonkers. If only it doesn’t hurt so much.

Reese and River drag me out of the house today. I’m lying on the grass by the river bank with Reese. River is keeping an eye on their two-year-old Piper who is almost up to her knees in the water. That little girl is fearless, much to her parents’

chagrin.

Reese knew what really happened that last night in Russia. I asked her not to tell Genesis or anyone else about it.

“Why can’t we tell Genesis about this?” she asks again. I know it doesn’t feel right to keep things from each other.

“I don’t want to make a big deal out of it, Reese. You know how Genesis is…she’s convinced that she has a Ninja Monkey DNA or something. Goddess knows what she’ll do if she got a whiff of this.”

“Well, I know what she’ll do. She’ll go monkey ninja on his stupid âss! He totally deserves it too!”

We both grow quiet as soon as she said that. Then we both burst out laughing. Oh boy, this is the first laugh I have since that night.

We watch as River tries to get Piper out of the water. Her golden curls glisten in the sun. He tries to fold up the legs of

her overall, but she wants none of that. She splashes water at him with her foot before she flops on her diaper-padded bottom in the ankle deep water. She rolls over and lies on her belly in the water and pretends to swim. She looks like a plump little turtle. River gives up. She’s totally wet.

We both smile at her antics. Parenthood suits River and Reese.

“I miss that bitch,” I whisper, thinking of Genesis. I lie back on the grass and study the clouds floating peacefully by. The sky is clear blue. It reminds me of his eyes. Stupid Penny.

“Yeah, me too,” sighs Reese.

Why does life have to get so complicated?

“Hey! you might meet your mate soon,” smiles Reese looking down at me. “It’ll be awesome. You’ll forget all about that âsšwipe. ”

“What if my mate doesn’t want me?” What if I wasn’t good enough?

Reese stares at me like I just lost my mind. “Who are you???”

she screeches. “Who are you and what have you done to my best friend Penny?”

I just roll my eyes and keep staring at the sky. We both stay quiet for a while.

“You’ve changed,” she says finally. “Penny that I know was confident. She was sassy and strong.” ..and fun, I add in my head.

Back at home in my room, I stare at myself in the mirror. My dark brown eyes look big and bruised. I’ve lost weight. It’s not healthy. I had been neglecting food these last two weeks. Food was my first love. I have to start eating right and start running again. I have to get over this unhealthy obsession I have for Darius.

Changes must be made. This pining for a man is not good for me. Maybe this craving I have for Darius is changing me into a weakling. Maybe I can live without a man in my life. Maybe pigs will fly.

I, Penny Ruiz had always been boy crazy. For three years now I had been Darius crazy. Well, no more. I will work hard to change that.

Werewolves are not like humans. A lone werewolf is not good for the pack. The longer they stay a lone wolf, the closer they get to insanity. They would lose their wolf eventually. At least that what they say. Maybe I can prove them wrong. If I became insane in the end, who’s to know? I’m insane to begin with anyway. I will not be bound by stupid social expectations.

My long dark hair comes down to my waist now. I used to wear it short.Published by Nôv'elD/rama.Org.

During dinner at the palace one year ago, a woman sitting next to him was flirting and asked how he liked her hair, he answered that he liked it very much. He liked his women with hair like hers, he’d said. She had beautiful long blond hair. I went up to my room that night and stared at my short sleek haircut. I won’t change my hair color, but I decided there and then that I’d keep my hair long from then on. Come to think of

it now, he probably just said that because my hair was short at the time.

So now, a year later, I have long hair. It was straight when it’s short, but it gets curlier as it gets longer. I stare at it.

Contemplating whether I should cut it short again. Genesis and Serena said I look exotic with my hair long like this. I quite like my hair long too. Why should I cut it just because of him? I’m going to keep it long because I like it long. It has nothing to do with what he likes or don’t like anymore. Yeah! I’m going to do what I want, who I want or whatever I want. Come human or werewolves. Hell, I’d do a Faery or a vampire if I want to. I’ll hump a fire hydrant like it’s going out of style if I wanted to…which I don’t. Eeeeeewwwww!!!!!!!! Okay, a line has to be drawn somewhere.

I’m calling it Operation Forget Jerkface-what’s-his-name and Screw ’em and leave ’em.

It’s easier said than done. My appetite hasn’t returned and where do I find these human or werewolves, or Fae, or a vampire to fuck when I’m sitting at home day in and day out?

I’m not getting anywhere just sitting here thinking about Mr.

Jerkface.

A lightbulb goes off in my head and I snatch my phone that’s lying on my pillow. I’m calling Genesis. I’m letting her know that I’m joining them for college. I know it’s late, but I figure if anybody can pull strings to get me in there, the royal lycans can. I’m not even ashamed to use my friendship card that way.

I’m very sure Mr. Jerkface won’t show his face around there.

Genesis’s ecstatic, judging by the sound of her screaming and laughing like a maniac at the other end of the line. Gosh! I love that bitch. I’m going off to College! Hell yeah!!!