Ex-Husband's Regret

Emma.

"You have to get out of this room, Emma. You can't spend your days stuck in this dump." Mom told me, but I didn't even spare her look as my eyes were fixated on the sad series I was watching.

I sat in my bed, still in my pajamas, with some snacks scattered around my duvet. I had different drinks and a tub of ice cream, which I was currently drowning myself in. My curtains were closed, shutting off the sunlight since I'd gotten blackout curtains a few months ago.

"That's what I've been trying to tell her, but the damn woman won't listen to me," Molly fired.

I could feel her staring daggers at the side of my head, but that didn't bother me one bit. I just wanted to be left alone so that I could suffer in my misery. After all, I am the one who brought this upon myself. "What would Gunner say if he saw you like this? You are unkempt and so is your room. I don't even know when you last brushed your hair or showered," she said in a disapproving voice.

I perk up when I hear Gunner's name. Immediately, my eyes turned towards my mom.

"Did he ask for me? Does he want to come to voice?" I asked, hope coating my voice.

Mom has been spending time with him and so has Travis. They get to meet and as far as I can tell, things are going well. They don't like talking about him when I am around, because they know how much it hurts me that they get to be with him when I don't, but I've heard them talking when they thought I wasn't in the vicinity.

I got my answer when mom looked away and didn't say anything. My heart broke at that. The amount of guilt and regret that is eating me up can't be described. When he used to ask for me, I never bothered to give him the time of day.

I took him for granted and only saw him as a mistake that I regretted. Now he doesn't want anything to do with me and it breaks me. This is how he must have felt every time I ignored him. Karma was indeed a bitch, and she was serving me loads and loads of her specialty.

Molly cleared her throat before saying, "Come on, let's get you in the shower, then we can go out for lunch."

I pull my eyes away from them and focus on the TV once again. "I don't really feel like doing anything. I just want to stay here."

Mom shocks me when she grabs the remote from the bed and switches off the TV. She then turns, glares, and points a finger at me.

"That's enough of you, Emma. I won't watch you wither away because you refused to grow up and accept that this is all your fault. Instead of wasting away in this fucking room, you could be trying to redeem yourself and fix things with Calvin and Gunner."

I'm surprised at her cursing because she rarely does it. I can count the number of times mom has cursed, and five of those times she was either extremely pissed off or frustrated.

She caught me by surprise yet again when she grabbed my hand, and proceeded to drag me towards the bathroom.

"Let go of me, Mom!" I shout behind her, trying to pull away, but her grip just tightened.

When we get to my bathroom, she pushes me inside before slamming the door closed.

"Open this fucking door, mom," I yelled, trying to open the door, but it's completely shut.

"First of all, don't you dare curse at me, Emma," she yells back. "And second, this door will remain shut until you take that fucking shower."

I stomp angrily to the counter and just stare at myself in the room. Sighing, I turn around after a minute or so. I can hardly stand to look at myself in the mirror. I barely recognize the person staring back at me, and neither do I like her.

I want to blame someone, but there is no one to blame but myself. That is the one thing I hate about this whole thing. It would be much easier if someone else were to blame.

Staring at the shower, I take off my clothes before jumping inside. I turn the heater to the hottest setting, then allow the hot water to wash over me. I feel the tension leave my body slowly, and soon enough, I relax under the shower.

"Are you okay in there, Emma? It's been more than thirty minutes." Molly's voice is heard through the door.

It's only after her words register that

I realize I've been in here longer than I'd planned. Turning off the shower, grab a towel and wrap it around my body. Again, I stand in front of the mirror. This time I look better than a few minutes ago, but you could still

could still

tell that there was something

missing.

I turn around and try the door. This time, it opens. Stepping out of the room, I find just Molly. Mom was nowhere to be seen.

"I already chose something for you to wear," she tells me, pointing to a cute blue sundress. "Like I told you earlier, we are going out for lunch."

"I really don't feel like going out, Molly. Isn't it enough that I've taken a shower?" I asked tiredly.

I felt emotionally drained, and all I wanted to do was go to sleep.

"No, it isn't enough," She retorted.

"Look, your mom is right. You are acting like a child, throwing a tantrum

@ecause you didn't get your

way. You're here feeling sorry yourself, crying over spilt milk

for

instead of doing something about it. For how long are you going to

wallow in your guilt?"

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Her words irritate me, mainly because I know she is speaking the truth. A truth that I don't want to acknowledge.

"You want to fix things, yet you don't

want to put in the effort... Look at Rowan. Ava forgave him despite everything, Why? Because he put in the work and still is putting the work to prove to her that he's worthy of herlove, why can't you do the same?"

"What do you want me to do, Molly? Where would I even start?"

Sighing, she stands up and walks towards me. "You can start by forgiving yourself and pulling yourself out of the ruff that you've buried yourself in."

I don't say anything, because there is just nothing to say.

"Now get dressed... There is this cute restaurant I've been dying to try," she says, pushing me towards the dress.

Picking it up, I just stare at it, unsure about where my life is headed.

Molly talks as if it's as easy as snapping my fingers; what she forgets is that Ava might have forgiven Rowan, but Calvin isn't Ava.

He may never forgive me, especially because because of how I treated Gunner